Monk Scroll

Creating my reality with words. Sometimes I find it already written somewhere in some text, book, post, or note. Where it resonates, a Rubik’s cube of the mind is immediately solved. Order returns. But however, there is no shortage of chaos. Finish your celebration and get handed another Rubik’s cube to solve, because the engine we live in, the simulation that’s currently running is designed for that. Entropy is a given and in any place, it isn’t, some other portion, stage, dimension, level, or system of the universe will compensate for it. So we must do as we’re tasked to do, make sense of chaos every chance we get. The superpower is being grateful to get a chance to participate, to not try to control but be a part of. Enjoying the process, truly. Living. Laughing. Loving. Being. It’s a good time. It’s a fucking good time.

Consciousness to me feels like the second last episode of Mr. Robot . For those of you that haven’t seen Mr. Robot , the idea is (your) reality exists threefold. Your consciousness exists in three states. One of them (negatively) interprets your reality, very invested in all things that affect the narrative it has created for itself. Things that go against that narrative are experienced as “aw damn man, fuck shit bitch” “woe is me” “always me” “why me” “fuck me”, and that’s the first state. The second is an indifferent, unbothered, happy-go-lucky version you rarely experience. This one (positively) interprets your reality without a narrative, “things are good, I can’t complain” “glad to be here” “well at least it isn’t [insert imaginary worst-case scenario]”, that’s the second. And then there is the third. The viewer. The hidden man, the record keeper, the IT, the me, the “you”. Forever on, forever watching. The always there, always present, pure consciousness.  That “you” is...

Getting high really does feel like a mystical experience for me, particularly when I'm alone or in small groups. My objective reality suddenly becomes subjective and I'm aware of it. Getting sucked in and out of things (realities) at random. I could be listening to music and suddenly feel like the music has replaced what I normally thought of as myself and all that's left is me (awareness) hearing the music play. The same goes for when it's raining outside. If I happen to be high at the time and decide to shift my attention to the sound of the rain then that sound suddenly becomes me, I'm no longer a witness to it or listening to it but the experience can more easily be described as the rain is happening within me and I'm watching (listening to) it. (Like that episode of BoJack Horseman where he does psychedelics and the borders around his drawing are dissolved. I thought it a powerful depiction, whether intentional or not because that removed his borders and he...

 I cant verbalize my pain, i cant give it life, i cant let it be real. I need to keep it in my mind where i can fight it. win or lose , better or worse. its me and the gaping hole that i need to fill. i need to learn how to fly, i need to escape gravity and rise above. to overcome feeling inadequate. 

I was out with some of my friends recently. We went to a place called Kitchener's. Out of nowhere, I had a small out of body experience, I stopped bobbing my head and singing along to the music and just looked around. Bars and pubs are always deliberately dimly lit places. Reasons behind that fact most likely differ but we all know that when the lights come on the night is done. I stood there with my eyes wide open (needed my vision to be steady and true, needed to let as much light in so that I could see as clearly as possible). It was loud, very loud. As these places usually are and everyone was dancing along to the music, talking, singing, or just standing around. They were all doing something and all of us were in that little confined space together and just then the thought hit me, We Are The People In The Bar. As a child there are just things you are not allowed to do, places you aren't allowed to go. You always imagine what the inside of these places looks like, wha...