Games.

Observing how people interact has allowed me to pick up this unspoken chess game people play every time they interact with someone. Every interaction or exchange (or close enough to that) always has a tone one of the parties in the exchange has set, it is this ability that allows people to flirt without really saying what’s on their minds. People are intelligent creatures but sometimes it’s not as direct as flirting, sometimes during a conversation with someone new people are silently gauging how much respect to hand you once the conversation is done or trying to somehow establish themselves as the dominant figure in that particular relationship (exchange) by boxing you into a corner. Openly being rude, undermining your intelligence, provoking an emotional response, subtly highlighting any visible or hidden insecurities you might have, all these things put one person at a disadvantage in the interaction because they come off weaker afterward. Leaving them feeling smaller or itching to do whatever it takes to prove the other person wrong.

They’re essentially trying to outsmart you to ensure they get the most out of that interaction regardless of where it leaves you afterward. People oft don’t like to admit the fact that all relationships serve a purpose or at the least exist for a particular reason (which is usually selfish but natural). It makes absolute sense to keep someone that makes you happy in your life for the sole reason that they make you happy. 

A friendship that is almost solely comprised of you running to said individual with your troubles and they always lending a supportive ear (of course to you it may not seem that way but a little objective dissection of your relationships will say otherwise) is a selfish self-serving relationship, you get more out of it and that is why it means so much to you. These are the dynamics of a lot of relationships, I love you because you’re good to me relationships, the love only exists because this person treats you how you feel you deserve to be treated. Who doesn’t want to be treated how they feel they deserve, right? But the moment these dynamics change people are no longer satisfied with the relationship. Like when people accuse you of changing or becoming an asshole simply because you started looking out for yourself a little bit more. When the person is no longer the focal point of all your attention and so they feel threatened and begin instigating fights to somehow reclaim this attention. 

People need to start communicating better, communication skills are a great reflection of maturity. Having someone in your life that would rather throw tantrums and be upset rather than discuss the things that upset them is not a great idea. Having someone that would rather ask instead of trying to guilt you into doing what they want or attacking your pride and in turn forcing your hand. We just need people in our lives to be genuine and quit playing one-sided games with people.